| if i get locked up tonight... |
[Oct. 13th, 2008|09:04 pm] |
I used to be a lonely man, only mad, until I got a million dollars, shit
Now if i only had some fucking hair I'd pull it, faster than a bullet
out of Tupac's chest before the ambulance came too late to do it
I'm trying to grow it back again, it was an accident
I had my back against the fan and chopped it off in Amsterdam
I hate the straight jacket it aint latching, and can't lock it
so they stapled my hand to my pants pockets
The cell's padded and battered like someone else had it
before me, and just kept throwing they fucking selfs at it
My head is aching, I'm dedicated to medication
but this med is taking to long to bring me this sedadation?
Anyway I got down with Ray
The first man who taught me how the glock sounded to spray
Running up and down the street screaming, "Fuck the Police"
when you still had your mother's fucking Nipple stuck in your teeth
(fucking baby) Became a role model after Colorado
Now all they do is follow me around and holla Bravo!
Hell yea I punch my bitch and beat my kids in public
Suck my dick, bitch
I'm sick enough to fuck a man in his face but I won't
cause you'll probably wanna stand in his place
So put a sock in it, with your fake-ass Tupac image
You faggots ain't tough, you just get drunk and become talkative
(Wanna Fight?) I'm probably the akwardest alcoholic talking
Walking like a midget with a ladder in his back pocket
So when you see me on your block stumbling, mumbling
A bunch of dumb shit like my drunk uncle does
I ain't buzzed, I'm juss high on life
So why on earth would I need drugs, when I can fly on kites? |
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| nothing compares. |
[Aug. 3rd, 2008|12:54 am] |
R.I.P. Ethel Wildner
you will be dearly missed.
please keep my family in your prayers...i'm pretty sure they'll need them. |
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| are you here to confuse me? |
[May. 22nd, 2008|03:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mischievous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Brother Ali | ] |
Woman I'll give you the grand tour
Theres no reason for you to look closer but you do so I show you
It ain't pretty here now but it will be
One day I promise when the sun rays are honest
I chip away at the tint on the windows
Stain on the glass it's a pain in the ass
I scrape and I scratch 'til my arms grow weary
Meanwhile I warn you not to stand near me
I think I built the fence a little late
The deamons were already in now they can't escape
I been toe to toe with most of em' though
As a whole they must parish in order for me to grow
Huddled in the gloomy little cracks that they inhabit
They pass away the day I deactivate my habits
Each one gets buried in the back yard
In tiny little graves marked only by a black scar
Kindly watch your step
The silence isn't finished being awkward yet
Trophies lay in the basement to stay safe
Today's mistakes are in a lighted trophy case though |
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| i will paint you a picture. |
[May. 13th, 2008|08:55 pm] |
i have the new death cab...i'm not sure how to feel about it yet.
i thought i was going to die the other day, which was a lot scarier than it sounds.
my perception of reality has completely done a 180.
i don't know how to feel about things anymore. |
|
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| The Devil and Daniel Johnston... |
[Apr. 1st, 2008|10:59 pm] |
So pray little Kay, love is just God on a good day.
And you can't blame your mother,
She's trying not to see you as her worst mistake
And I wish that I could tell you right now (...I love you)
But it looks like I won't be around
So you won't know...
Well don't be that note I can't hold
Well don't be that joke that I told and told 'til it got old
Don't be that hand 'round my throat so I can breath
Say you're my friend but why won't you be my family?
You never worked well with our group
Not with the faults we found
So we fixed you with cement galoshes
No one can save you now
Unless you have friends among fish
There'll still be no air to breathe
You could drink up the entire ocean
I'll still find someone to be everything we know that you'll never be
Order your daughters to ignore me, think that will sort me
and sweep me under the rug
And a beating with a book everyone
the book tells you to love
There is an ember in the heart of the kiln
And its burning hot with love
Burning out my sins until there's nothing but dust
holding me with care into your cigarette
Cause the God I believe in never worked on a campaign trail
I'd drown all these crying babies
If I knew that there mothers wouldn't cry
I'd hold them down and I'd squeeze real soft
And let a piece of myself die
I'd drive my car off of the bridge
If I knew that you weren't inside
Put the pedal to the floor, who could ask for more
A fantastic way to kill some time
I used to pray like God was listening.
I used to make my parents proud.
I was the glue that kept my friends together,
Now they don't talk and we don't go out.
I used to know the name of every person I'd kissed.
Now I made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.
Well take me out tonight,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give. |
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| as the crow flies-gravity does not grant me the privilege of failure. |
[Feb. 25th, 2008|03:35 pm] |
so i climb, and i carve my initials in the bark...
when you're laying in bed at 4:00 in the morning, surrounded by the morning darkness, do you ever think of me? do you wonder if i'm laying there at the same time, hundreds of miles away...not sleeping either. Did you know that when you have a bad dream, i know it? That i wake in the middle of the night, covered in sweat, worried about you?
you wear me down more than any person ever has, you bring my life into perspective. you complete me. you showed me that people are capable of love, and forgiveness, and do care.
you've shown me more than you'll ever know, and for that...i thank you. |
|
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| so michigan..... |
[Jan. 24th, 2008|09:14 am] |
so i came back to michigan last week, to see gabriel, the brothers, and heather (she'd been in italy for first semester).
i can't say that it wasn't nice to see everyone, but i kind of wish i would have just not gone. it just doesn't feel the same anymore, i just don't feel like they really understand things about how the world works.
i feel like i've outgrown it.
its a bunch of drunk college kids that are broke, and will still be broke when they're drunken collegiate graduates.
and this is entirely the point i'm trying to make by not going to college. you go in with no idea where you want to go with your life, so you really have no deep seated care for your courses, you drink the entire time, and then graduate with some bullshit degree just so society can tell you that you've done good?
fuck that, i am completely happy with my life, i may not be college educated, but that doesn't mean i can't go anywhere. i love cooking, its something that makes me happy. i like serving people, its why i want to get a bartending license. i ENJOY where i am at in my life right now, maybe i'm not going to classes, maybe i'm not getting a degree.
but i'm also not falling for society's bullshit.
so fuck you to you and those who don't believe in me. cause i do. and so do my friends. |
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| i'll have a blue christmas without you. |
[Jan. 4th, 2008|10:42 am] |
so i spent my christmas in the hospital, that sucked. but it turns out everyone is fine, nobody died(almost). i have returned to the great state of WI for a month or so, although i am trying to work out a visit back to the thumb that involves a stop by alma (Heather is back from Italy!!!!!).
my new year was pretty fun, enlightening, and entertaining. but at this point i have returned to working, so that kind of sucks.
for those of you who don't know, i'm working three jobs these days.
1 (my favorite) Tomoso's, its a gourmet pizza place about 20 minutes from home, i love it so much there. i am a full-time cook, and have met all of my current friends from working there.
2 (least favorite) Labudde, my dad had needed some help up at his office a few months ago, so i went up there to help all the secretaries in the transportation department out. i worked for about a week and then didn't go back until i was offered a position a few weeks before christmas. they try to be very flexible about my schedule, especially since i informed them that Tomoso's is my main priority.
3 (second favorite) Maxwell's, its a bar across the street from tomoso's, i went in there one night with a buddy, and started hanging out with one of the bartenders...2 weeks later i work there every couple of nights. it doesn't go far as much as pay goes...but its under the table cause i only make money off of tips, so i've been throwing that into my housing fund.
those are my new jobs, which i'm actually excited about, its kind of weird, cause i don't remember the last time i actually looked forward to going into work.
i also have made some very good friends around here too. Although, like i said...they all work at tomoso's, but really, who has time to make new friends?
AJ-probably my new best friend, this kid is basically me, but grew up in wisconsin instead of michigan. this completely coincedental similarities we have are just kind of creepy.
Chris-definitely the angriest person i know. this guy cracks me up, he's 25 and actually the one that really showed me all the ropes at tomoso's. he's got 3 kids, who are some of the most adorable children ever. I love to go over and hang out with him and the kids, which is probably how i spend at least half of my time. chris's girlfriend works at a daycare center, and she asked me to play santa clause for all the kids there...which i said yes to! it was really really awesome, all the little kids came up and sat on my lap, and told me what they wanted for christmas. it was an enjoyable experience.
Tony-this kid is completely crazy. he's got to be the biggest hype i've ever met, but at the same time...he totally has my back, which is always a good thing. he even brought me a rack of his dad's homemade ribs, because he thought i would like them!
DL-this guy is ridiculous. he's a 22 year old unemployed lazy slob. and he's got to be one of the most knowledgable people i've ever met. definitely someone you want to have with you at a party.
Bri-this kid isn't so much my friend, as much as someone i try to look out for because he's friends with everyone else. when i first came he had been clean from heroin for about a month, but after having his parents call the cops on him when they found a bag of weed (he was an ex-heroin addict at the time, i don't blame them) he moved out. about a week after being in his apartment he came over to hang out with AJ and i, and he was definitely fucked up, it wasn't even the fact that he was on opiates, he clearly couldn't afford an OC, so he went to a dealer and got a 10 sack. you could tell he was mainlined as soon as you looked at him! we probably spent 4 hours bitching him, and conspired to ruin his high everytime he shot up. which is what we do.
yeah, so this is my life in a nutshell over in wisconsin. and just so everyone knows...yes, i do like it better that michigan. its been a long time since i've felt like i had friends that would get my back no matter what, or since ive had a job that i enjoyed so much. |
|
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| now fade away. |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|10:56 pm] |
i think the stability of our situation has slipped off the balancing point. we're now officially in deep shit,
but if we just hold together through this last run, we'll somehow find a guiding light to push the entire thing through.... |
|
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| Khaos and Kurt Vonnegut. |
[Nov. 5th, 2007|09:54 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | The Sounds of Animals Fighting | ] |
hum.
ive had these really really weird nightmares lately, they've been giving me headaches.
- I don't ever remember my dreams, i remember these ones though, very clearly.
- they keep coming back, constantly...for the past couple weeks.
- they always end up with me being stuck in a living limbo, drifting from location to location around the country...but never anywhere i actually want to be.
- people always end up dead in it, no matter who's involved.
other than that, work goes well...im starting to get some pretty good hours in, and having a great time working there.
watched American Gangster...fucking amazing, i've seen it likeeee 3 times now, and im still completely impressed with it.
modest mouse is coming this weekend...im super stoked about it, i haven't seen them in years, so that'll be really really really really awesome.
my dad bought me a Johnny Depp poster, trying to ummm *be nice* to me, since i already have 2.
*note here:my poster is of johnny depp in fear and loathing, and johnny depp in a bathtub (naked and smoking a cigarette). super hot offbeat posters?
*note here:the poster my dad bought is a Pirates of the Caribbean Walmart special that is aimed at all the little 14 year old girls.
*note here: i may be a little odd, but i am NO 14 year old girl! i feel rather insulted by the whole thing, even if it is a really nice idea.
seeing brenna really brought things together for me, it was nice to actually see so much of her this visit, i miss that girl more than i miss my niece. :[. im hoping to make a trip out to Calif. sometime this year, so wish me luck on that.
i got home the other weekend, and cleaned out my (hidden) liquor cabinet, gave it all to my dad, told him i didn't need it at all. i don't really know why i would do that, but it felt good.
been reading a lot lately, i read a ummmm, really good book by Ellis (Glamorama) i really like his style of writing, and may start collecting.
i extended both my vonnegut and bradbury collection
-God Bless You, Dr. Kavorkian
-Dead-Eye Dick
...
-and 2 by bradbury that i can't remember the titles of.
oh yeah, and a faulkner-As i Lay dying. (oh yes, i did notice it because of the title).
well, i really must be going. my loyal non-existent entourage awaits. |
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